Starbucks Canada

Starbucks Canada

Friday, May 2, 2014

"Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, is a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking, and behaviour." <-- well that's the definition found on www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mental-health-bipolar-disorder . Well today? It's low..it's sluggish.. I was categorized originally with PTSD after an extremely volatile, abusive relationship ended about 15 years ago. Prior to that, I had one relationship in high school that was both the best thing that happened to me and the worst. It ended with severe bullying in school; so I basically ended school traumatized, then started the next major relationship of my life almost 2 years later already shell-shocked, granted with several interesting stops along the way and stupid nights with girl friends. FUN nights too. Since then I have had the normal "20-something" life of going out partying, in bars, at raves, and getting into things that the former "Highschool Jen" would only dream of. In a nutshell: severe. manic. episodes. drugs, lots of booze, lots of crying and lots of "I don't f'ing care!" Most of that changed about 11 years ago when I went out to talk some sense into a girl friend and met HIM. Yes we had our highs and lows, as every relationship (he himself coming off of a traumatic situation, refusing relationships) but somehow I cracked through that shell. Three years in? Another HE arrived. Our son. Being pregnant, I couldn't take my meds. There has been numerous research since then stating that in "severe" circumstances medication CAN be continued during pregnancy - with precaution. I wasn't able to take it. It was too much of a risk that I refused to take. I was off my meds, he (since then he doesn't remember this at all) was very angry that I ended up pregnant, so the highs and lows became EXTREME highs and EXTREME lows for me. I was either out spending money I didn't have (prepping for a baby), or in the bedroom or bathroom always crying. I racked up debt. Which (by the way) has since been paid off. Thank GOD! I'm on new medication, been on new medication since I had an accident on the job in January 2013. I broke my arm so badly that I have had reconstructive surgery on it, and unable to return to where I worked prior (funny thing, I was so incredibly unhappy at this job that I had plans to quit about 2-3 weeks after that very day..then the accident happened.. they say things happen for a reason. NO KIDDING!). The medication, if I take it too late in the evening will make me INCREDIBLY "sluggish" the following day ALL day. When I don't take it (or prior to being given the prescription for it) my days become "fast forward" where nothing is fast enough, but I don't dare tell him (he doesn't want to understand what's wrong with me, which causes issues). It's been a hell of a ride, but at least I'm finally out of the place I hate, trying to find a career I enjoy, out of debt, and happy. And that's where I've been these last few months. I thought I'd explain because I find WAY too many people claim to have a mental illness to get out of stupid stuff they've done. It seems like it's the "explanation du jour". You turn on Tori Spellings new "documentary" Tru Tori, and THAT'S the "explanation" that her husband Dean McDermott is using for his behaviour. Wrong. People using that term as a cop-out makes those TRULY suffering angry. I have it. Apparently it ran in the bloodline generations back. And I'm owning up to it, admitting it, dealing with it. Surviving it. No cop-outs.